i_amthecosmos

Thursday I went to my GP for among other things, to get some help with my legs. I've been having painful pins and needles in my thighs, also numbness, burning-all the fun little nerve tricks. I thought I'd ask him for a referral, or something. Anything. I got bupkis.

Turned out his office let me wait over an hour before telling me that he had left earlier. And they only told me because I'd ask. Since I was there, and fasting, I insisted on being seen anyway. A nurse who was able to do so filled my prescriptions, and another doctor saw my briefly. She promised to get some medication for my legs, but it was never given to the pharmacy.

Today I tried to get out of bed, and screamed in pain. I immediately got up and called out of work, and then we went to urgent care. I had to wait a long time, because someone had to be sent to the hospital. But the doctor did see me, and her theory was it was from my back. I wouldn't be surprised-my back had been fairly all right. Maybe it got jealous of all the problems I'd had with my lungs and decided to show me who's boss, I don't know.

So she took some x-rays, got me a couple of shots and some meds, and things are somewhat better now. It's not 100%, but I'm not in a lot of pain. Still some numbness though.

One thing though, she prescribed me some muscle relaxants. My pre-sober self LOVED muscle relaxants with booze. They were fun. It's so funny, I'm 14 years sober, and when I saw those pills, a little voice in the back of my head said "HI FRIEND! FRIEND! LET'S GET WASTED!" But no, no, have to take them like an adult. Being medicated for my mental illness makes a BIG difference.

Oh, and my blood sugar is high. Tomorrow I'll bring that up while I'm looking for a new GP.

I've been trying to keep schedules and stuff like that and I keep letting them slide, but I think I'm on to something now. Here you go, my technique to keep from sitting here all day and not showering or eating until 5pm:

The Points System

It goes like this-everything I do that I find productive in some way (getting up on time, cleaning, going to work), is noted and is given a point from 1-3. One is something a person without health constraints could do without thinking about it-getting dressed, meds, breakfast, coffee and letting the dog in all count as 1 (that's the morning routine). The shower is a one, because I'll put it off. Laundry and cooking are 1's mostly because I enjoy cooking and don't mind laundry.

2's tend to be things that involve leaving the house, or take more energy. Also things that scare me. So going to the pharmacy is a 2. If I'm cooking and my back starts to hurt from standing over the stove, that's a 2.

3's: these are things I want to avoid or have a lot of steps. A lot of moderate housework is a 3, because my body's not in good shape and it hurts. Yoga, which I love, is a 3 because it involves driving in rush hour traffic to the uni, and then the hour long class itself. It's *always* worth it though. Anything involving in getting my CMCS is a 3.

Then every night, I count up the points-the goal is 20 or over. A whole week of 20's gets me a prize-a new lipstick, a used book, bath salts.

This would seem silly if you didn't know how much i can get trapped inside my head. Inertia is kind of where I live most of the time. Also, the idea is to build up: do more and eventually 3's become 2's and 2's become 1's. And then I'll be moving forward on a lot of fronts.